I am living for the day when I find someone who will love me even when I am sad. Even when depression leaves scars on more than just my skin. Even when anxiety makes me ugly. Even when I don’t want to be loved. And I don’t buy into the bullshit that you can’t love someone until you love yourself first because my chest is burning with a passion for a familiar stranger that I haven’t yet met. And I have nothing but love to give to the person who sees something in me worth loving. Because a blind man still wants to know what the world looks like. Still wants to believe in what he cannot see. And I am living for the day when they find me. And they will tell me that they love me without exceptions and I will believe them. And I will believe that there is something in me worth loving. Even if I can’t see it.
Someone once asked me, "what do you see in him?" and I blinked a couple of times before I could collect my thoughts. What do I see in him? I see everything. I see the fiery passion in his eyes when he talks about football to the gentleness in his eyes when he cuddles his cats. I see everything from love to hate to anger to sadness to happiness to grumpiness. I see him physically and emotionally. I see the way his brows furrow when something annoys him, I see the way his eyebrows raise when he gets protective, I see the slightest things in him, even he does not notice. I see his happiness, the way his eyes shine and emit love from them, I see his anger through the slam of the table, I see his jealousy through the tilt in his mouth. What do I see in him? I don't see IN him, I see him. I see who he is, who he can be, who he wants to be and who he would be. It should not be a question of what I see in the man I love but what I see when I see him.
And it's a simple answer, I see my future.
